Everyone who met me for the first time ever wondered why did I get married in quite young age. They were even being surprised when they knew that I have already had 1 little boy. This is also happened to my husband, who seems a 17 years old teenager in his friend opinions. Many questions raised up, for example “Is it common in your country?” or “Did you have an arranged marriage?”.
First, it’s not such a common tradition in my country nowadays, when there are a lot of women also want to pursue their high level of careers both in academic and professional paths. Second, it was obviously our both decisions to get married 4 years ago and it was not by accident. I did get pregnancy after waiting for 8 month for our little angle.
A marriage is not only about loving each other, but the same vision in it can maintain the relationship, especially in the hard times.
It is true that love is important in a marriage, but love can be built and we can loose it easily when we cannot maintain it properly. I am not a love expert, though. However I had kept in my mind that I won’t get a perfect man because I am also not a perfect woman. When we’ve been through a hard phase in our first year marriage, I also realized that I couldn’t expect much about a perfect marriage life.
Unlike most of Disney stories which taught us to believe that after getting married with someone we fall in love and we will then live happily ever after, the new problems will be just begun after a marriage.
We both are still learning up to now and–I guess–it is forever. I am not a kid who grew up in a perfect family, so does he. Even though we both are from Indonesia, I came from West Sumatra and my husband is mix between Sundanese and Javanese which have totally different cultures. This fact often leads a fire in our marriage life since we were nurtured in a different way of habits and values. Nevertheless, a marriage isn’t an ending story of two human beings, but it’s a process and an art how to fill the gap of imperfection.
A marriage is like a company. All stakeholders should work together and run it based on the company vision and its code of conduct.
The silly thing about marriage is when you decide to marry someone, everyone will expect you want to have a child soon. It’s completely a blundered. This mindset isn’t only raised up in the East culture, but it is also happened in the Western. In the Eastern, there is one case where a man gets married with a woman, he only expect, somehow, to have children from her; therefore, they can get married without loving each other. In the end, when the woman cannot give a child, he will divorce her. It is a contradiction in the Western where many couples can live together without a marriage. In a special case, a woman are too afraid to have children, so she doesn’t want to marry a man.
The goal of a marriage is to have a sustainable living that we called in arabic sentence “sakinah mawaddah wa rahmah“. Having a child is an advantage to share a family value. To nurture a human, however, man and woman should have a good collaboration. To have a synergy, both of them need to know each other and build the sense of empathy.
What I frequently saw is that a married couple forgot to maintain their relationship after having a child. Since they were too focus on taking care of their child. It is also often the case where woman gets more responsibility to take care of the children and even the household things, while the man only wants to care about raising money. Indeed, nurturing a child is both of man and woman duty.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
“I do want to enjoy our life just two of us again after the children have grown up” I said to my husband. That’s why I choose to have a child in my young age. It is difficult, though. Yet, I learn a lot to be more responsible to my life because I have taken a risk to get another responsibility.