Leadership is about taking responsibility, not making excuses
The different between manager and leader is about the intention. Becoming a manager, you only need to deal with the task–how to accomplish it. It depends on your self management–how you manage your time. Sometimes in an organization you will notice that a good manager is not a good leader, and vice versa. Since becoming a leader, you need to deal with people. It’s even more complicated than thought.
To be a leader is not necessary that you have to be on the top of position. What I have learnt throughout my life that leadership is an important thing that everybody should have and pursue in their life. At least, you need to be a leader for yourself. Don’t let someone else direct your life.
Hence, I would like to highlight two points about self leadership, that I explain it as follow.
When people try to control your life.
I have ever experienced once when some people tried to control my life, especially if the matter is about how to be a good mother. It’s hard when you need to deal with the Indonesian culture. It is frequently happened, when you are a newly mom, many people will suggest you everything, you don’t even need it though. What you urgently need–that also becomes the most important thing–is the support from your surrounding, your big family. When I became a mother, at that time I was thirsty to get an appreciation from people that I am learning to be a good mom. But that’s not easy.
In one of Indonesian Cultures, there’s obviously a rule that applied in the relationship between the younger and the older. The younger should obey what the older said, wrong or right. But if the younger gets failed, the older doesn’t want to be blamed.
The problem came when I tried to follow a suggestion and what I didn’t expect was that my son got an illness. I almost got depressed. Starting from that point, I learnt that whatever people say, I live with my life and I do take my own risk. If some people thought that I didn’t hear them, that was not truly true. I listen to them, but I need to think twice about their suggestions, whether I go with or I deny it. It’s my own choice. Even when I got problem because of their suggestion, sometimes they won’t take the risk to help me.
When you find a problem person.
Whenever you go, you’ll find problem people, whether they make problem with you or they have problem with their life. That’s an alert. If you are capable of or you want to take the challenge, it’s the right time to show your leadership.
If you meet someone that you feel trouble with, you have 2 choices:
deny it or accept it.
First, if you find out that it’s hard to change the situation and it makes you really stressful, then denying could be the best option. How? First step, you can pretend that they are not exist in this world. When they are talking to you–especially when they are harassing you, you can just give the sign that you don’t want to hear them anymore. Just let it go. They will stop it when you even don’t care about it. You deserve to enjoy your own life.
Anyway, there is another option that you could take, which is to help them to change their behaviour. How? To make a communication with them. It’s so easy to say, but absolutely difficult. You need to improve this skill by the time. I am still learning on that.
When I decided to accept this challenge, I remind two things whether it’s an opportunity to make myself better or I am helping them to be a better person. Both are my motivations.
The advantage to have a child in my young age is that I am also growing up with him. I learn how to communicate adequately and appropriately with people when I am trying to teach my son how to be a good man in the future.
What I have realized that It’s not an urgency to teach your children the competencies such as math or science. They can learn from the experts outside their home. But, the important thing is how they have self-esteem, proud to be themselves. Leadership skill can be started in the early age of a kid.